I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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