....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We need to rekindle our bromance
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
