So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ugly people sure do ruin things
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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