i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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