My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
