opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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