Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
