Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
