Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
