I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
