so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
