I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
