Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
