Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
