It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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