I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
