he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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