yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Acid is not a monday night drug
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
