Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
