I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
