he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
