You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
