You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
