sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
