Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
