so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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