dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
