Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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