Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I had to cum in my sink.
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