Only a mothe r could love this liver
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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