I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
