So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
