Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
