OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
