i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
