I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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