I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
