just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
