he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
