So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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