I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
