A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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