dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
