Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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