also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
