I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
