im six kinds of drunk right now
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
