Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
