I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
