Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
