Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
